Catherine Zeta-Jones

So, here's the deal Catherine. You're stunningly beautiful. Your accent is hot and your body is the envy of many (including other hollywood celebrities I'm sure.) You choose mostly good movies to star in and your Saturday Night Live visit was actually funny.

So, why on earth, did you marry Michael Douglas?

I realize that's not totally fair. I love Michael Douglas, I really do. I think he was awesome in American President (a movie i adored) and really funny in Jewel of the Nile and Romancing the Stone. He is Hollywood royalty so I get the attraction. But he's just so old. Actually, I retract that -- at age 62, he's not that old -- he's just too old for you. And is it me or has he stopped looking in the mirror before he leaves the house? He's looking a bit disheveled lately.

Either way, you two seem happy which is ultimately the goal. Your marriage has lasted 6 full years - that's gotta be one of the longest marriages in Hollywood history!